Well Losties, it's only 6 months until the return of our obsession. 6 months! Shit.
But in the meantime, exciting things are happening. The announcement of Michael's return to the show definitely re-energized some (like me, who feel as though Michael has 1995 Nebraska Cornhusker Football-style "Unfinished Business"), and this week marks the beginning of filming for season 4. What's nice is that because this is only a spring-run, 16-episode season, they'll have most of the episodes in the can by the time of the season premiere. All of this is good, trust me, because it gives the writers/producers great freedom in telling their story completely, coherently and in the manner they wish. And that translates to a better product. So I'm excited.
To tide you over, though, Jeff Jensen has two great new articles on ew.com. Here are links to both.
A Q&A with Harold Perrineau (Michael) on his return to the show, and his interesting thoughts on Season 3.
Doc Jensen's mid-summer analysis of Season 3 and a look ahead to Season 4 (no spoilers). Also some great new theories and recognitions of literary allusions. Brilliant bastard.
Namaste.
.charlie
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Live Blog from the Comic Con
As you probably have heard, the big Comic Con Convention last week has created a lot of Lost buzz. You've most likely heard the gossip about Harold Perrineau (Michael) returning to the shower already...but what else did the producers reveal?
Check out this play-by-play from E! Online about the conversation between the producers and the media! Awesome stuff...enjoy!
4:19 p.m.: If you're the kind of person who gets upset because someone told you Harold Perrineau is coming back to Lost, you don't want to read any further into this liveblog. Fair warning...Meanwhile, the room is almost full. If you're reading this on your CrackBerry at the Convention Center, you might want to haul your butt in here now.
4:46 p.m.: The room is pretty much full, but I hear if you get to the Inkworks booth downstairs sooner rather than later, you can pick up tickets to the Darlton postpanel autograph session.
5:06 p.m.: "Are you ready?" asks the lady. Yes, let's go!
5:11 p.m.: A clip show of season three begins; Michael Emerson calls the Others a "rebel sect." I suspect this is from the DVD. Also, the fans are crazy-loud right now.
5:12 p.m.: More clip show: "By the time you see this I will be dead," says M.C. Gainey, before coexecutive producers Eddie Kitsis and Adam Horowitz make a funny tribute to the unsung Others (your Lukes and your Jasons).
5:13 p.m.: More clip show: Holloway is saying something onscreen, but the screaming in the room drowns him out. Voice-over: "The survival of the Island is now at stake." Told ya! Then it's over.
5:14 p.m.: Lost executive producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse (aka D.L. and C.C.) are here! There might not be any microphones, however. Oops, the mikes are mute.
5:15 p.m.: Yay, they can speak now.
5:16 p.m.: Lost videogame footage; don't care, sorry, I just do the television.5:18 p.m.: D.L., regarding flashbacks: "Ever so slowly going the way of the dodo on the real show."
5:19 p.m.: D.L. confession: "Carlton and I, we're drunk, first off." He continues with a tribute to the fans, saying the fans are the reason there's an ending coming. Season four starts in February, and it runs 16 eps straight.
5:20 p.m.: They have a bell. Damon can ring it if Carlton says too much, Carlton can do the same to Damon. This is their overdisclosure fail-safe. 5:22 p.m.: People are invited to get in the questions line. Earlier we were warned via loudspeaker to not be crazy when addressing the panel, as in don't ask for them to have your babies, hug you or give you a job. As people are getting in line, Damon says, "If hugs are inappropriate, well, then I don't ever want to come here again."
5:23 p.m.: Now comes the Q&A portion of the evening. Dude wants to know about season three's violent turn. (I'm for it, thanks for asking.) Dude wants the powers that be to promise that the Others aren't the good guys. No promises are forthcoming.
5:24 p.m.: Carlton says they wanted a showdown, and that involved a body count. Damon says our guys are more violent but prettier. "When Sawyer is punching you in the face, you're like, More please, you're so attractive, can you take your shirt off please?" But when Friendly does it, it's relentless violence. Says Damon, "If the violence stays intense, it will at least be perpetrated by catastrophically good-looking people."
5:26 p.m.: Writing is a collaborative process. Every writer has their own favorite character. Eddie and Adam love Hurley and Charlie and all the minor characters; Eddie pitched the van idea for Hurley, which connected with the Ben patricide storyline.
5:27 p.m.: Lindelof says, "We have the best job in the world."
5:28 p.m.: Where's Michael? They address the stupid reporter riot yesterday and wanted to announce here that Harold is returning as Michael Dawson, but they tell the questioner they're not talking about how or when he returns.
5:30 p.m.: Damon wants to know why we're being so nice, and then they tell us there are more flashforwards coming. Carlton says flashbacks and flashforwards are both on the show going forward. "How far forward" and "with whom" are the Q's.
5:31 p.m.: Will Jack and Claire find out they are related? Carlton rings the bell on Damon, but Damon nods furiously. The crowd goes wild.
5:33 p.m.: Someone wants to know if we'll be seeing more Dharma sharks. Without addressing the fish issue directly, Carlton says, "You may be learning more about Dharma sooner than you ever imagined." Oh, I smell a clip coming tonight. Apparently, check back at 5:58 (or below at 6:07). Carlton rings the bell.
5:34 p.m.: DVD is out Dec. 11, and no reruns are expected. Why won't anyone listen to me—no one watches or airs reruns anymore! This is a JenFact! Trust me, people!
5:35 p.m.: Did Ben get caught by Rousseau on purpose? Did Ben kill the real Henry Gale? Damon says he will answer one of those questions. The asker chooses the capture question. Carlton: "He got caught by accident." Damon volunteers this, regarding Ben vs. Henry Gale: "They had words."
5:39 p.m.: They were running out of plausible flashback material, so it was time to switch gears into flashfowards. The end date allowed them the certainty necessary to add that element into the show without further antagonizing fans. Carlton: "What you saw with Kate and Jack was not the end of the show." Damon: "The show has never really been about getting off the Island...There's this whole chapter of the story that takes place off the Island." Outstanding!
5:41 p.m.: Chick wants to know when Michael is coming back. She's yelling now, Damon yells back, it's very cute. (Harold's totally here.) And now: "Ladies and gentlemen, Harold Perrineau." Ha!
5:43 p.m.: Harold is taking Q's. Damon says, "Harold is the first and only actor who has left the show as part of a grander design to come back." Uh-huh.
5:44 p.m.: Harold says, "Finally, it has all worked out...really excited to go back to Hawaii." Carlton, regarding poor crazy Michael, "He took some extreme actions." Michael's story is about the power of the Island to be redemptive. And this won't be a quick pop by Redemption Island; Harold is a series regular. TOLD. YOU. Michael returns early in the fourth season, or so says Damon.
5:45 p.m.: Dude ignores Harold to ask about Rachel Blake. Carlton says Rachel probably won't be on the Island.
5:47 p.m.: Damon says the benefits of only doing 16 episodes (versus 22) a year is they can do more ancillary "awesome" stuff.
5:48 p.m.: Someone asks what Damon and Carlton want to do in their post-Lost retirement. They don't think about it because the show is too all-consuming.
5:51 p.m.: Damon: "It's every writer's, actor's and storyteller's dream to have a dialogue with people who are watching a story you're telling. I wouldn't want to make a mistake of trying to chase something like Lost again. Might just write a pamphlet. Or a grocery list."
5:51 p.m.: Dude says he likes Richard Alpert; Damon and Carlton say (I paraphrase) don't get too attached to him, because Nestor Carbonell's on CBS' Cane.
5:52 p.m.: They're writing episode one, but it's still untitled.
5:53 p.m.: "What questions are fans not asking that we ought to be?" Carlton: "Who's in the coffin?" and rings the bell on himself. D.L. and C.C. ask Harold, "Who do you think is in the coffin?" Harold thinks it's the person with the teenage son...probably Locke! Damon would ask, "Who's on that freighter out there, and what do they want out of the Island?" Carlton would ask, "Okay, Kate and Jack got off the Island? Did anybody else get off the Island?"
5:53 p.m.: Five minutes to go in the session, three minutes until the clip, or so we are told.5:56 p.m.: Wasted question; we knew the answer: The falling dude from Hurley's building was not Locke.
5:56 p.m.: Libby time! There have been hints she worked for Dharma, so when do we find out what is up with Libby? Carlton: "It is our intention to get to Libby's story this year, and we think you will be happy when we finish that." Damon: "You're not barking up the wrong tree."
5:57 p.m.: Will there be a Danielle flashback soon? Damon: "There are important things going on in that story, and they have to sync up." They'll do that syncing in this season or next.
5:58 p.m.: They'll have written through episode 15 or 16 by the time we see the premiere, which is to say, try not to get too drunk on spoilers before the season even begins.
6:01 p.m.: A fan named Aaron asks, "Can I call the monster Cerberus?" Damon says...[nerdiness follows] On the blast-door map, C.V. stood for Cerberus Vents. "That's Dharma's name for it, maybe. Cerberus is one of it's names." Damon: "Aaron, may I call you Cerberus?" Aaron-Cerberus: The monster seems kind of seems like it represents judgment. Why did Eko have to die? Damon: The whole deal with the monster will be definitely answered. Carlton: The monster answer is "not going to be 10 seconds of blank tape." Ooh, David Chase burn.
6:04 p.m.: No more Q's for us. H.P., D.L. and C.C. have a group hug. Feel the love; I know I do.
6:05 p.m.: Shooting starts in four weeks.
6:05 p.m.: Our superspecial Comic-Con exclusive clip was "discovered" in "Narvik, Norway."
6:06 p.m.: Aw, I think he likes us. Damon: "This is literally the highlight of our year...This show was born out of the Con. We do it for you and with you."
6:07 p.m.: The promised clip is one of the station orientation films, hosted by Marvin Candle under an alias. The footage begins with him getting his makeup done and smoothing down his Dharma labcoat. Bunnies! It's about bunnies! Bunny #15, to be specific. Marvin, who calls himself Dr. Edgar Halifax in this film, identifies it as station six, the Orchid. He says the viewer has probably realized by now that he or she is not working at a mere botanical research unit. He apologizes for making him or her lie to friends and family members about the nature of the work. He mentions something that sounds like "Kasimir effect" and mentions the "unique properties of the Island." Then there's one of Jacob's subliminal messages. It may have been some variation on "as Jacob loves you." Then there's a bunny riot. One of the station's alarms blares, Dr. Halifax/Marvin panics. There's an intercut clip of someone riding a bicycle. The clip is inserted upside-down, and the rider appears to be in the village green of Otherville...And then, amid the chaos (perhaps this is the Incident?), the filmstrip slides off the reel.
6:08 p.m.: That's all, folks. Our exit soundtrack is "Got Myself a Gun" from the Sopranos credits. Clue, or just Muzak? You tell me.
Love, luck and lollipops, kids; see you in another life (brotha).
**Maggie's note: check out YouTube for the Orchid Orientation film.....it is wild!!
Check out this play-by-play from E! Online about the conversation between the producers and the media! Awesome stuff...enjoy!
4:19 p.m.: If you're the kind of person who gets upset because someone told you Harold Perrineau is coming back to Lost, you don't want to read any further into this liveblog. Fair warning...Meanwhile, the room is almost full. If you're reading this on your CrackBerry at the Convention Center, you might want to haul your butt in here now.
4:46 p.m.: The room is pretty much full, but I hear if you get to the Inkworks booth downstairs sooner rather than later, you can pick up tickets to the Darlton postpanel autograph session.
5:06 p.m.: "Are you ready?" asks the lady. Yes, let's go!
5:11 p.m.: A clip show of season three begins; Michael Emerson calls the Others a "rebel sect." I suspect this is from the DVD. Also, the fans are crazy-loud right now.
5:12 p.m.: More clip show: "By the time you see this I will be dead," says M.C. Gainey, before coexecutive producers Eddie Kitsis and Adam Horowitz make a funny tribute to the unsung Others (your Lukes and your Jasons).
5:13 p.m.: More clip show: Holloway is saying something onscreen, but the screaming in the room drowns him out. Voice-over: "The survival of the Island is now at stake." Told ya! Then it's over.
5:14 p.m.: Lost executive producers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse (aka D.L. and C.C.) are here! There might not be any microphones, however. Oops, the mikes are mute.
5:15 p.m.: Yay, they can speak now.
5:16 p.m.: Lost videogame footage; don't care, sorry, I just do the television.5:18 p.m.: D.L., regarding flashbacks: "Ever so slowly going the way of the dodo on the real show."
5:19 p.m.: D.L. confession: "Carlton and I, we're drunk, first off." He continues with a tribute to the fans, saying the fans are the reason there's an ending coming. Season four starts in February, and it runs 16 eps straight.
5:20 p.m.: They have a bell. Damon can ring it if Carlton says too much, Carlton can do the same to Damon. This is their overdisclosure fail-safe. 5:22 p.m.: People are invited to get in the questions line. Earlier we were warned via loudspeaker to not be crazy when addressing the panel, as in don't ask for them to have your babies, hug you or give you a job. As people are getting in line, Damon says, "If hugs are inappropriate, well, then I don't ever want to come here again."
5:23 p.m.: Now comes the Q&A portion of the evening. Dude wants to know about season three's violent turn. (I'm for it, thanks for asking.) Dude wants the powers that be to promise that the Others aren't the good guys. No promises are forthcoming.
5:24 p.m.: Carlton says they wanted a showdown, and that involved a body count. Damon says our guys are more violent but prettier. "When Sawyer is punching you in the face, you're like, More please, you're so attractive, can you take your shirt off please?" But when Friendly does it, it's relentless violence. Says Damon, "If the violence stays intense, it will at least be perpetrated by catastrophically good-looking people."
5:26 p.m.: Writing is a collaborative process. Every writer has their own favorite character. Eddie and Adam love Hurley and Charlie and all the minor characters; Eddie pitched the van idea for Hurley, which connected with the Ben patricide storyline.
5:27 p.m.: Lindelof says, "We have the best job in the world."
5:28 p.m.: Where's Michael? They address the stupid reporter riot yesterday and wanted to announce here that Harold is returning as Michael Dawson, but they tell the questioner they're not talking about how or when he returns.
5:30 p.m.: Damon wants to know why we're being so nice, and then they tell us there are more flashforwards coming. Carlton says flashbacks and flashforwards are both on the show going forward. "How far forward" and "with whom" are the Q's.
5:31 p.m.: Will Jack and Claire find out they are related? Carlton rings the bell on Damon, but Damon nods furiously. The crowd goes wild.
5:33 p.m.: Someone wants to know if we'll be seeing more Dharma sharks. Without addressing the fish issue directly, Carlton says, "You may be learning more about Dharma sooner than you ever imagined." Oh, I smell a clip coming tonight. Apparently, check back at 5:58 (or below at 6:07). Carlton rings the bell.
5:34 p.m.: DVD is out Dec. 11, and no reruns are expected. Why won't anyone listen to me—no one watches or airs reruns anymore! This is a JenFact! Trust me, people!
5:35 p.m.: Did Ben get caught by Rousseau on purpose? Did Ben kill the real Henry Gale? Damon says he will answer one of those questions. The asker chooses the capture question. Carlton: "He got caught by accident." Damon volunteers this, regarding Ben vs. Henry Gale: "They had words."
5:39 p.m.: They were running out of plausible flashback material, so it was time to switch gears into flashfowards. The end date allowed them the certainty necessary to add that element into the show without further antagonizing fans. Carlton: "What you saw with Kate and Jack was not the end of the show." Damon: "The show has never really been about getting off the Island...There's this whole chapter of the story that takes place off the Island." Outstanding!
5:41 p.m.: Chick wants to know when Michael is coming back. She's yelling now, Damon yells back, it's very cute. (Harold's totally here.) And now: "Ladies and gentlemen, Harold Perrineau." Ha!
5:43 p.m.: Harold is taking Q's. Damon says, "Harold is the first and only actor who has left the show as part of a grander design to come back." Uh-huh.
5:44 p.m.: Harold says, "Finally, it has all worked out...really excited to go back to Hawaii." Carlton, regarding poor crazy Michael, "He took some extreme actions." Michael's story is about the power of the Island to be redemptive. And this won't be a quick pop by Redemption Island; Harold is a series regular. TOLD. YOU. Michael returns early in the fourth season, or so says Damon.
5:45 p.m.: Dude ignores Harold to ask about Rachel Blake. Carlton says Rachel probably won't be on the Island.
5:47 p.m.: Damon says the benefits of only doing 16 episodes (versus 22) a year is they can do more ancillary "awesome" stuff.
5:48 p.m.: Someone asks what Damon and Carlton want to do in their post-Lost retirement. They don't think about it because the show is too all-consuming.
5:51 p.m.: Damon: "It's every writer's, actor's and storyteller's dream to have a dialogue with people who are watching a story you're telling. I wouldn't want to make a mistake of trying to chase something like Lost again. Might just write a pamphlet. Or a grocery list."
5:51 p.m.: Dude says he likes Richard Alpert; Damon and Carlton say (I paraphrase) don't get too attached to him, because Nestor Carbonell's on CBS' Cane.
5:52 p.m.: They're writing episode one, but it's still untitled.
5:53 p.m.: "What questions are fans not asking that we ought to be?" Carlton: "Who's in the coffin?" and rings the bell on himself. D.L. and C.C. ask Harold, "Who do you think is in the coffin?" Harold thinks it's the person with the teenage son...probably Locke! Damon would ask, "Who's on that freighter out there, and what do they want out of the Island?" Carlton would ask, "Okay, Kate and Jack got off the Island? Did anybody else get off the Island?"
5:53 p.m.: Five minutes to go in the session, three minutes until the clip, or so we are told.5:56 p.m.: Wasted question; we knew the answer: The falling dude from Hurley's building was not Locke.
5:56 p.m.: Libby time! There have been hints she worked for Dharma, so when do we find out what is up with Libby? Carlton: "It is our intention to get to Libby's story this year, and we think you will be happy when we finish that." Damon: "You're not barking up the wrong tree."
5:57 p.m.: Will there be a Danielle flashback soon? Damon: "There are important things going on in that story, and they have to sync up." They'll do that syncing in this season or next.
5:58 p.m.: They'll have written through episode 15 or 16 by the time we see the premiere, which is to say, try not to get too drunk on spoilers before the season even begins.
6:01 p.m.: A fan named Aaron asks, "Can I call the monster Cerberus?" Damon says...[nerdiness follows] On the blast-door map, C.V. stood for Cerberus Vents. "That's Dharma's name for it, maybe. Cerberus is one of it's names." Damon: "Aaron, may I call you Cerberus?" Aaron-Cerberus: The monster seems kind of seems like it represents judgment. Why did Eko have to die? Damon: The whole deal with the monster will be definitely answered. Carlton: The monster answer is "not going to be 10 seconds of blank tape." Ooh, David Chase burn.
6:04 p.m.: No more Q's for us. H.P., D.L. and C.C. have a group hug. Feel the love; I know I do.
6:05 p.m.: Shooting starts in four weeks.
6:05 p.m.: Our superspecial Comic-Con exclusive clip was "discovered" in "Narvik, Norway."
6:06 p.m.: Aw, I think he likes us. Damon: "This is literally the highlight of our year...This show was born out of the Con. We do it for you and with you."
6:07 p.m.: The promised clip is one of the station orientation films, hosted by Marvin Candle under an alias. The footage begins with him getting his makeup done and smoothing down his Dharma labcoat. Bunnies! It's about bunnies! Bunny #15, to be specific. Marvin, who calls himself Dr. Edgar Halifax in this film, identifies it as station six, the Orchid. He says the viewer has probably realized by now that he or she is not working at a mere botanical research unit. He apologizes for making him or her lie to friends and family members about the nature of the work. He mentions something that sounds like "Kasimir effect" and mentions the "unique properties of the Island." Then there's one of Jacob's subliminal messages. It may have been some variation on "as Jacob loves you." Then there's a bunny riot. One of the station's alarms blares, Dr. Halifax/Marvin panics. There's an intercut clip of someone riding a bicycle. The clip is inserted upside-down, and the rider appears to be in the village green of Otherville...And then, amid the chaos (perhaps this is the Incident?), the filmstrip slides off the reel.
6:08 p.m.: That's all, folks. Our exit soundtrack is "Got Myself a Gun" from the Sopranos credits. Clue, or just Muzak? You tell me.
Love, luck and lollipops, kids; see you in another life (brotha).
**Maggie's note: check out YouTube for the Orchid Orientation film.....it is wild!!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
The Plane Crash From Every Angle
This is a wonderfully edited piece that shows a linear translation of the plane crash. It's every angle of Oceanic 815's demise, and it's really interesting to see all these things together, when you think about the fact that we only saw pieces of these at a time.
Special Thanks to Bret W. for passing this along.
Special Thanks to Bret W. for passing this along.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
LOST University
In the spirit of nurturing my denial of LOST's 8-month hiatus, we'll take some time here to think about what it would be like to go to college with the cast of LOST.
(Cue cheesy montage of characters doing typical college things, like eating pizza, cramming for a test or "just hangin' out" -- all to the tune of some upbeat generic alt. rock tune)
The "I'm Gonna Be Famous. Seriously" Kid: Charlie Pace. There was always that guy who had a band, and he made sure he told you roughly 8-10 times a week about his MySpace page and/or an upcoming coffee house concert: "It's gonna be really chill. Just me, a bar stool and an acoustic guitar -- covering John Mayer, all night long!" (The anger I'm displaying right now is a defense mechanism for the ultimate sadness I feel over Charlie's death)
The Insecure Rebel: Sawyer. That guy who had to do really insane things to cover some lifelong scar obtained in childhood. Often heard uttering the phrase, "Yeah, I'll drink that."
The Stoner: Hurley. Smoking pot makes you want to eat snacks, and maybe play the lottery.
Token Sorority Babe Who May Or May Not End Up On Girls Gone Wild: Shannon. Be honest, there are some girls who were molded from early age to fit the sorority girl archetype. Usually they have some faux coming-of-age moment around junior year where they realize that they're not good people, which lasts until that day's happy hour. You can only hope they don't make out with their pseudo-half-brother in a moment of confusion. Again, I say, ewwwww.
Token Frat Lord: Boone. His name is Boone. That goes well on the back of a t-shirt and can be chanted easily during a keg stand.
Professor Who Totally Freaks You Out, But Might be a Genius: John Locke. "I don't want to believe that the answers to my questions lie in a Native American sweat lodge. But maybe Professor Locke is right."
Dean of Crazy: Benjamin Linus. My name is Benjamin Linus, and I was born in the quad.
Quiet Exchange Student: Sun. An obvious choice, I know.
Child Prodigy: Walt. Remember that kid in college who was like 8 years younger than everybody, but could project his image to remote locations, summon and kill birds with his mind and warn old men not to "push the button"? There's always one.
Chemistry Professor: Arzt. That's a cheat, since his character was really a chemistry teacher. Not like my chemistry teacher in high school. Dick Caster was the Chuck Norris of Lincoln Southeast High School. He was a football coach who I'm fairly certain killed bears with his hands on the weekends.
Mascot: Vincent. LOST University, Home of the Fightin' Vincents! Another cheat, as he's the only notable non-human on the show. Unless you count Ben Linus.
University Founder: Jacob. A man whose mythology grows with each incoming class. And one night the kids get a little sauced, stumble into a haunted campus building and swear that if you look real hard you can see his ghost. Nobody believes, until shit gets crazy.
Girl Whose Boyfriend Constantly Obsesses Over Her, Despite her Attending a Different College: Penny. "Hey, Desmond, you wanna go to the bars tonight?" "I can't! Penny's calling! I haven't talked to her since noon! I'll catch ya on another night, brutha."
Guy Who Lives in That Dorm You Never Go Into: Mikhail "Patchy" Bakunin. What's he doin' in there? Why does he wear that eye patch? I'll say it if no one else will, I think he's up to something.
That Guy Nobody Likes: Paulo. Enough said.
Honorable Mention: Michael.
Thus concludes our lecture on LOST U. I hope you took notes, there will be a test.
Namaste,
Charlie.
(Cue cheesy montage of characters doing typical college things, like eating pizza, cramming for a test or "just hangin' out" -- all to the tune of some upbeat generic alt. rock tune)
The "I'm Gonna Be Famous. Seriously" Kid: Charlie Pace. There was always that guy who had a band, and he made sure he told you roughly 8-10 times a week about his MySpace page and/or an upcoming coffee house concert: "It's gonna be really chill. Just me, a bar stool and an acoustic guitar -- covering John Mayer, all night long!" (The anger I'm displaying right now is a defense mechanism for the ultimate sadness I feel over Charlie's death)
The Insecure Rebel: Sawyer. That guy who had to do really insane things to cover some lifelong scar obtained in childhood. Often heard uttering the phrase, "Yeah, I'll drink that."
The Stoner: Hurley. Smoking pot makes you want to eat snacks, and maybe play the lottery.
Token Sorority Babe Who May Or May Not End Up On Girls Gone Wild: Shannon. Be honest, there are some girls who were molded from early age to fit the sorority girl archetype. Usually they have some faux coming-of-age moment around junior year where they realize that they're not good people, which lasts until that day's happy hour. You can only hope they don't make out with their pseudo-half-brother in a moment of confusion. Again, I say, ewwwww.
Token Frat Lord: Boone. His name is Boone. That goes well on the back of a t-shirt and can be chanted easily during a keg stand.
Professor Who Totally Freaks You Out, But Might be a Genius: John Locke. "I don't want to believe that the answers to my questions lie in a Native American sweat lodge. But maybe Professor Locke is right."
Dean of Crazy: Benjamin Linus. My name is Benjamin Linus, and I was born in the quad.
Quiet Exchange Student: Sun. An obvious choice, I know.
Child Prodigy: Walt. Remember that kid in college who was like 8 years younger than everybody, but could project his image to remote locations, summon and kill birds with his mind and warn old men not to "push the button"? There's always one.
Chemistry Professor: Arzt. That's a cheat, since his character was really a chemistry teacher. Not like my chemistry teacher in high school. Dick Caster was the Chuck Norris of Lincoln Southeast High School. He was a football coach who I'm fairly certain killed bears with his hands on the weekends.
Mascot: Vincent. LOST University, Home of the Fightin' Vincents! Another cheat, as he's the only notable non-human on the show. Unless you count Ben Linus.
University Founder: Jacob. A man whose mythology grows with each incoming class. And one night the kids get a little sauced, stumble into a haunted campus building and swear that if you look real hard you can see his ghost. Nobody believes, until shit gets crazy.
Girl Whose Boyfriend Constantly Obsesses Over Her, Despite her Attending a Different College: Penny. "Hey, Desmond, you wanna go to the bars tonight?" "I can't! Penny's calling! I haven't talked to her since noon! I'll catch ya on another night, brutha."
Guy Who Lives in That Dorm You Never Go Into: Mikhail "Patchy" Bakunin. What's he doin' in there? Why does he wear that eye patch? I'll say it if no one else will, I think he's up to something.
That Guy Nobody Likes: Paulo. Enough said.
Honorable Mention: Michael.
Thus concludes our lecture on LOST U. I hope you took notes, there will be a test.
Namaste,
Charlie.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
When they were children...
Today, I will examine the favorite television shows of select LOST characters when they were children. Did their television show selection shape their future? Do you see parallels between these 30 minute episodes and future experiences on and off the island?
Kate – She-Ra
Kate was inspired by the strength and power of She-ra: Princess of Power.
Sawyer – Salute Your Shorts
Sawyer loved the practical jokes and pranks played by the kids at Camp Anawana.
Penny – Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
Penny felt obligated to solve the greatest mystery: where WAS Carmen Sandiego? (Side note: In writing this blog, I think I figured out where Carmen has been this whole time: San Diego. How did I miss that? And why hasn't she been caught yet?)
Jin – Inspector Gadget
I don't know why Jin liked the intelligent Inspctor Gadget...it just made sense at the time.
Juliet – Reading Rainbow
In preparation for her future book clubs, Juliet got ideas from Lavar Burton and Reading Rainbow.
Rousseau – 3-2-1 Contact!
The science experiments on 3-2-1 Contact! prepared Rousseau for a life where science couldn't explain everything.
Jacob - Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood
The idyllic world of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood gave Jacob hope for the future.
Libby – Rainbow Bright
A great show. Hands down. And Libby was smart to watch it.
Sayid – Chip n’ Dale Rescue Rangers
The Rescue Rangers strike again! Sayid wanted to be a chipmunk and solve crimes, too.
Mikhail – Pee-Wee’s Playhouse
Creepy. That's all that needs to be said.
Charlie – Alvin and the Chipmunks
You know...brothers who sing together and are short. It makes sense.
Ben – Rugrats
I think Ben looks like a Rugrat.
Jack – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Turtles in a half-shell. Turtle Power! Jack loved these guys.
Locke – Bill Nye the Science Guy
Locke wanted to learn everything Bill Nye knew...and use it in his own twisted life.
Hurley – ALF!
Hahahahahahahah. Hahahahaha.
Claire – Zoobilee Zoo
A weird show, just like Claire.
Boone – Power Rangers
Boone wanted to be a Power Ranger. We all know he had no chance.
Shannon – Clarissa Explains it All
Shannon is basically Clarissa. Duh.
Kate – She-Ra
Kate was inspired by the strength and power of She-ra: Princess of Power.
Sawyer – Salute Your Shorts
Sawyer loved the practical jokes and pranks played by the kids at Camp Anawana.
Penny – Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
Penny felt obligated to solve the greatest mystery: where WAS Carmen Sandiego? (Side note: In writing this blog, I think I figured out where Carmen has been this whole time: San Diego. How did I miss that? And why hasn't she been caught yet?)
Jin – Inspector Gadget
I don't know why Jin liked the intelligent Inspctor Gadget...it just made sense at the time.
Juliet – Reading Rainbow
In preparation for her future book clubs, Juliet got ideas from Lavar Burton and Reading Rainbow.
Rousseau – 3-2-1 Contact!
The science experiments on 3-2-1 Contact! prepared Rousseau for a life where science couldn't explain everything.
Jacob - Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood
The idyllic world of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood gave Jacob hope for the future.
Libby – Rainbow Bright
A great show. Hands down. And Libby was smart to watch it.
Sayid – Chip n’ Dale Rescue Rangers
The Rescue Rangers strike again! Sayid wanted to be a chipmunk and solve crimes, too.
Mikhail – Pee-Wee’s Playhouse
Creepy. That's all that needs to be said.
Charlie – Alvin and the Chipmunks
You know...brothers who sing together and are short. It makes sense.
Ben – Rugrats
I think Ben looks like a Rugrat.
Jack – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Turtles in a half-shell. Turtle Power! Jack loved these guys.
Locke – Bill Nye the Science Guy
Locke wanted to learn everything Bill Nye knew...and use it in his own twisted life.
Hurley – ALF!
Hahahahahahahah. Hahahahaha.
Claire – Zoobilee Zoo
A weird show, just like Claire.
Boone – Power Rangers
Boone wanted to be a Power Ranger. We all know he had no chance.
Shannon – Clarissa Explains it All
Shannon is basically Clarissa. Duh.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Lostocracy
What if LOST were it's own government?
Part I of However Many We Feel Like in our "LOST in Society" series.Today we'll examine what happened if the LOSTies staged a coup (on the island, or perhaps off of it in an attempt to give Jack something to do other than drink, abuse pain pills and somehow find it more productive to use maps rather than Google Earth to find his sacred island) to form their own government.
President/King/Czar: Jack Shephard. As if there was any doubt. Even if someone else tried to be president, Jack would talk them out of it. Of course, halfway through his term he would stage an internal battle of conscience over the burden of leadership.
First Lady: Kate. Hottest. First. Lady. Ever. And 10 years after Jack's done being president she can sweep in and polarize the country ("We can't vote for an ex-con!" "But she's so hot!").
Homewrecking Intern: Juliet. This saucy minx is one black felt beret short of being the Island's Lewinsky. At least she's attractive.
Supreme Court Chief Justice: Ben Linus. Sorry, I had to give him a job for fear that if I didn't he'd haunt my dreams.
Vice President: Jin. A bit of a shocker, but from what I can tell of politics, the Vice President is supposed to be a blind supporter of everything the president does, and Jin is that. He seems to trust Jack when nobody else will. Also, like our current VP, he's killed before, and he'll kill again.
Secretary of Agriculture: Sun. Partly because she's always tending her little island garden, partly because her namesake is the giver of life to all plants and vegetation on earth and partly because I thought it fitting that the most boring character on the show be given the most boring job in the government. Yawn.
Secretary of Defense: Sayid. I know some will balk at the idea of putting an Iraqi in charge of our war-time efforts. But seriously, Sayid makes Chuck Norris look like Tobey Maguire. And he's never wrong.
Secretary of Labor: Bernard. Remember when he tried to make everyone construct that giant SOS signal? Oh, Bernard, if you're wife wasn't such a good character you would've been killed off long ago. You are not rambo, you are a dentist. And a Secretary of Labor.
Secretary of Transportation/General Hilariousness: Hurley. Gotta give it to the bus-driving , wise-cracking maniac here. I imagine the real Secretary of Transportation (Mary E. Peters) is a real crack-up in those cabinet meetings - just a guess.
Secretary of Education: Sawyer. He's well-read and he can teach the children about how to turn obscure, dated pop-culture references into clever nicknames. No Smart Ass Left Behind.
Secretary of Bat Shit Craziness: Rousseau. Every government needs a loony hanging around. Clinton had his brother Roger, Bush has Cheney and the Losties have Rousseau. She's crazier than all of my ex-girlfriends combined, and that's saying something.
Under-Secretary of Bat Shit Craziness: Alex. Awww, mother-daughter psychotic behavior.
Token Benedict Arnold: Michael. "No, seriously. The Others wanted to talk to you guys. No, I don't know what it's regarding." Bastard.
Token Rasputin: Desmond. A worthy clairvoyant confidant for the Shephard administration. And little known fact: Desmond and Rasputin share the same chest hair pattern.
Token John Locke: John Locke. Please, like any government could hold John Locke. And no mere cabinet post could contain him. He'll just sit there, biding his time, plotting when/how/where/with what knife he'll defeat Jack.
And there you have it: The Lostocracy. As always, your thoughts, contributions and gushing praise are welcome. Just comment below.
Clinging to the days when LOST was on every week,
.charlie.
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